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• Power Play With special greetings to those of you who said you enjoy learning through analyzing case scenarios and find this a productive way to deepen your reflection on course topics, here is a scenario focusing on the role of power:After reading the conversations:(1) analyze the role power plays in this relationship;(2) identify Mia’s currencies;(3) identify Steve’s currencies; and(4) suggest ways the power might be better balanced.

  Background Steve and Mia have been married for ten years and have two children. Before they had kids, both Steve and Mia worked full-time. Now they have a five-year-old daughter and a two-year-old son. Steve works part-time, to help take care of the kids, and Mia’s salary is high enough for them to manage. The following conversations are just examples of the many they’ve had about money.“POWER ISN’T ALWAYS PRETTY”Conversation #1 (At a party, in front of their friends)

  Mia:  We had the best vacation in Mexico.  That’s the most relaxed I’ve been in a long time.
  
  Steve:  Are you kidding me?  You were so worried about spending too much money.  I can’t believe you just said that.
  
  Mia:  I wasn’t worrying about money; I just didn’t want you to overdo it.  It’s not like we have tons of cash just lying around.
  
  Steve:  I just wish you were willing to spend more money when we’re on vacation.  That’s when you’re supposed to have fun!  I didn’t want to worry about the cost of every little thing.
  
  Mia: Well, you don’t have to worry about it: I’m the one who pays the bills.
  
  Steve:  $5000 is not that much to spend on a vacation.
  
  Mia:  Easy for you to say. It would take you a year to save up that much money, and you’re willing to blow it in a week.
  
  Steve: That’s not true.  I work plenty.  Besides, I thought you wanted me to be around more with the kids.  I can’t make a ton of money and do that, too.

  Conversation #2 (Alone at their home)

  Mia:  I see you bought Caitlin more video games today.
  
  Steve:  Yeah, they’re brand new—they just came out today.
  
  Mia: I wish you’d check with me before you buy that much stuff.  Our cash flow is kind of low right now.
  
  Steve:  It’s not that much.  Besides, you’re getting that extra check this week.  I figured that would cover it.
  
  Mia:  Well, we should have at least discussed it.  These are decisions we should make together.
  
  Steve: You mean I need to get your permission before I do anything.  I feel like I’m asking for allowance or something.  I should be able to make financial decisions on my own.
  
  Mia: You can, but we at least need to talk about it beforehand.  Instead, you buy a bunch of stuff and you don’t even see if we have enough in our checking account.
  
  Steve:  Well, I can’t stand not having any say over how the money gets spent.  Just because you make more than I do doesn’t mean that I don’t get to decide once in a while.
  
  Mia:  And I don’t like having all the pressure to make all that money.  It’s not like it’s the greatest job in the world.  I wouldn’t keep it except we (mostly you) spend too much, so I stay.
  
  Steve:  I could start working more.
  
  Mia: No, we’re not doing that.
  
  Steve:  You can’t have it both ways?
  
  Mia: What both ways?  All I am is a paycheck to you, and you’re just the person who spends it.

  Power imbalance If you recall, during our conversations, being in a low-power position in conflict was mentioned as a main challenge to addressing a problem. Let’s make the most of the insights presented in chapter 4 in WH to be more effective in situations when power is not balanced.(1) Think of a time when you felt very “low power.” How did you respond? What advice from the text might have helped you? Try to list as many Productive Low Power Tactics as you can, e.g. use I statements, ally with power, with a trusted person, documentation: keep track of what is being done.(2) Conversely, think of a time when you felt very “high power.” How did this influence your interaction with the other person? What advice, if any, could you use from the text, the next time you are in a “high power” situation?(3) Using the guidelines in Chapter 4, what are some ways to balance power?