Question
Learning Goal: I’m working on the presentation of communication and need support to help me learn.
Follow the comment to change and improve my work.
comment:
1. You need a transition statement at the end of main points 1 and 2.
2. This speech is lacking sources in the form of oral citations.
3. This is written more like an essay than an outline. Long paragraphs rather than main points. You’ll need to simplify this and make sure you have all the elements of my outline structure.
4. Another suggestion is that you add emotion to this speech to better persuade us to care. This can be in your intro as an opening story or in your problem paragraph. This speech is very statistics-heavy. Remember folks are not solely persuaded by big scary numbers. Otherwise, we’d have done more by now. Some suggestions here are:
a. Story about a person.
b. Personal connection to the topic.
c. Specific and emotional language.
I would also add a line about counter-arguments in a sentence of analysis that addresses potential objectives to this plan. This can be added as points analysis at the end of each main body point. Just find a logical place for these objections.
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