What character if any did you identify with most from the book?
Assignment List
Week 6: Reaction Paper
WEEK 6: REACTION PAPER
GRADE DETAILS
Grade N/A
Gradebook Comments None
ASSIGNMENT DETAILS
Open Date Jan 6, 2020 12:05 AM
Graded? Yes
Points Possible 100.0
Resubmissions Allowed? Yes
Remaining Submissions 2
Attachments checked for originality? Yes
ASSIGNMENT INSTRUCTIONS
Goal: The goal of this assignment is to write a well thought out paper about how people react to intimate communication.
Course Objective(s): CO 2, 3, & 4
For your Reaction Paper, you have two options. Please review them carefully to ensure you choose the one from which you will benefit most. Note that each option must be written in essay format (do not answer the questions in a question/answer format). The essay must include a clear introduction (including a thesis), body and conclusion in APA format. The sample paper attached to the assignment details provides a clear example of the formatting and paper expectations for this assignment.
OPTION ONE:
The focus of this option is our secondary text, Confusing Love with Obsession. Your paper should be at least five pages (roughly 1,250 words) in length. in length. While additional sources or references are not required for this assignment, you must use the selected source to support your argument (i.e, cite the selected sources in your paper). If you choose to quote, paraphrase, or summarize additional sources (including the texts), you must document them in APA format. Your paper must have a references page.
These are the questions/points to consider to which you should respond in your reaction paper:
Using sociologist John Alan Lee’s love styles (refer to pages 261- 263 of Intimate Relationships, and pay special attention to Table 8.7 ‘Styles of Loving’ found on the top of page 262) from chapter eight of “Intimate Relationships”, what is the predominant love style for most of the characters presented in the book, Confusing Love with Obsession.
What character if any did you identify with most from the book? This can be either yourself or someone you know.
Briefly outline the characteristics of the Obsessive Love Wheel at each stage of the wheel.
After reading the book, what knowledge did you gain about love addiction?
OPTION TWO:
This option allows you to choose from a selection of several chapters of books by scholar Deborah Tannen that are available electronically from the APUS library. As with the other option, your paper should be at least five pages (roughly 1,250 words) in length. Additional sources or references are not required for this assignment, but if you quote, paraphrase, or summarize a source (including the reading or the text), you must document it following APA format.
These are the questions/points to ponder that you can use to develop your reaction paper, but feel free to ask yourself additional questions. Remember that this paper should give your reaction to what you have read, meaning you may agree, disagree, or both. However, you cannot merely say you agree. You must explain why clearly.
After reading the selection you have chosen, think about either your own situation that reflects the subject of the reading or about situations with which you are familiar, or both. You should not use full names or real people, please! It is preferable to give people aliases rather than use their names.
Outline some of the characteristics of the communication situations described and analyzed in the reading.
Did you identify with the people and situations in the selection? How? If not, how do you engage differently in interpersonal communication in similar situations to the ones described and analyzed?
After reading the selection, what knowledge did you gain about interpersonal communication in general?
Here is the selection of readings:
Conversational Style: Analyzing Talk Among Friends (2005)
Deborah Tannen
http://site.ebrary.com/lib/apus/docDetail.action?docID=10254482
Read Chapters Two, Three, and Four
Family Talk: Discourse and Identity in Four American Families (2007)
Deborah Tannen, Shari Kendall, and Cynthia Gordon, eds.
http://site.ebrary.com/lib/apus/Doc?id=10194219
Read Chapter 1 plus any other chapter, 2-11
Gender and Discourse (1994)
Deborah Tannen
http://site.ebrary.com/lib/apus/docDetail.action?docID=10086928
SUPPORTING MATERIALS
COMM285 Essay RubricSakai.doc (37 KB)
Sample APA Formatted Paper from The OWL at Purdue.pdf (2 MB)
Page 261
TABLE 8.5. The Friendship-Based Love Scale
Think about your closest current relationship, and then rate your agreement or disagreement with each of these questions on the following scale:
image
I feel our love is based on a deep and abiding friendship.
I express my love for my partner through the enjoyment of common activities and mutual interests.
My love for my partner involves solid, deep affection.
An important factor in my love for my partner is that we laugh together.
My partner is one of the most likable people I know.
The companionship I share with my partner is an important part of my love for him or her.
Source: Adapted from Grote & Frieze, 1994.
The average total score for married men is 25.2, and the average total for married women is 26.4. Scores ranging between 21 and 30 are typical for men, and scores between 22 and 30 are routine for women. Scores on the scale are more highly correlated with relationship satisfaction and duration than scores on the Passionate Love Scale are.
Still, even if dopamine is a key player in romantic love and oxytocin a central ingredient in companionate love, both agents are always present in the body in some amount, so we rarely encounter pure experiences of romantic and companionate love in which one is present and the other is not. Companionate lovers can and do experience passion, and romantic lovers can and do feel commitment. As we experience them, the distinctions between romantic and companionate love are much fuzzier than this discussion may have implied (Graham, 2011). Nevertheless, if we’re willing to tolerate some ambiguity, we can conclude that there appear to be at least two major types of love that frequently occur in American romance: a love that’s full of passion that leads people to pair off with each other, and a love that’s full of friendship that underlies relationships that last. Over time, companionate love is typically stronger in Page 262enduring relationships than romantic, passionate love is (Ahmetoglu et al., 2010), and it is more highly correlated with the satisfaction people enjoy (Langeslag et al., 2013). I’ll return to this point at the end of the chapter.
COMPASSIONATE LOVE
There’s a third type of love that occurs in successful romances (Berscheid, 2010) that is not delineated by the triangular theory of love because the theory does not assert that considerate caring for other people is a specific component of love. Perhaps it should. An altruistic care and concern for the well-being of one’s partner is a defining characteristic of compassionate love, a type of love that combines the trust and understanding of intimacy with compassion and caring that involves empathy, selflessness, and sacrifice on behalf of the beloved (Fehr & Sprecher, 2013). (Now before we go any further, let’s take a moment and examine the label “compassionate” love. It sounds like a combination of romantic, passionate love [which obviously involves passion] and companionate love [which includes the word “companion”], but it is different from either one. Compassion involves empathy for others and the benevolent wish to aid those who are need help. Don’t confuse companionate love with compassionate love.2)
People who feel compassionate love tend to share the pain or joy that their loved ones experience, and they would rather suffer themselves than to allow someone close to them to be hurt. They are empathic and generous, and their care and concern for their loved ones are evident in a Compassionate Love Scale created by Susan Sprecher and Beverley Fehr (2005). (See Table 8.6.) As you might expect, compassionate lovers provide their partners more support—and take more pleasure in doing so—than do those who are less compassionate (Sprecher et al., 2007).
The thoughtful, benevolent, and generous behaviors that compassionate lovers offer their partners are good for their relationships. Each night for two weeks, Harry Reis and his colleagues (2014) asked 175 newlywed couples from across the United States and Canada to report which of the specific behaviors in Table 8.7 had occurred that day. The young lovers did these things often, but not that often; on average, a new spouse performed at least one of these kind acts on only about 60 percent of all days. But when they did occur, both spouses were more satisfied with their relationship the next day. You probably won’t be surprised, then, to read that greater compassionate love for one’s partner, which is evident when compassionate acts like these occur often, is associated with more relationship satisfaction, too (Fehr & Sprecher, 2013).
TABLE 8.6. Items from the Compassionate Love Scale
To what extent are these statements true about you?
I spend a lot of time concerned about the well-being of those people close to me.
If a person close to me needs help, I would do almost anything I could to help him or her.
I would rather suffer myself than see someone close to me suffer.
Page 263
TABLE 8.7. A Compassionate Love Acts Diary
Which of these things have you done today? Both you and your lover will be more satisfied with your relationship if you up your game and intentionally behave this way more frequently. And just how pleasant and profitable will your partnership be if you both behave this way?
Today, I voluntarily did something special for my partner.
Today, I went out of my way to “be there” for my partner.
Today, I said or did something to show that I value my partner.
Today, I expressed a lot of tenderness and caring for my partner.
Today, I willingly put my partner’s goals or wishes ahead of my own.
Today, I really tried to understand my partner’s thoughts and feelings.
Today, I willingly modified my plans or activities for my partner’s sake.
Today, I was genuinely open and receptive to things my partner said or asked of me.
Today, I really tried to be accepting rather than judging of something about my partner.
Today, I did something to show my partner that I respect and admire him/her as a person.
Source: Reis, Maniaci, & Rogge, 2014.
A Point to Ponder
Imagine that you’re developing the recipe for the perfect love that you’d like to get from a perfect lover. What would that love include? What would your lover feel about you?
Compassionate love is highly correlated with experiences of romantic love and companionate love—they all have intimacy in common—but there are still differences among them that are worth noting (Fehr, 2013). Whereas romantic love is “blind,” compassionate love is rooted in more accurate understanding of our partners’ strengths and weaknesses; we recognize their deficiencies, but we love them anyway (Neff & Karney, 2009). And the selfless concern that defines compassionate love may be invaluable in protecting and maintaining a relationship if the partners become infirm with age or if a “malevolent fate plunges one of the partners from ‘better’ to a permanent ‘worse’” (Berscheid, 2010, p. 17). Is compassionate love necessary for continued satisfaction in long-term relationships? We don’t yet know: Those studies have yet to be done. Nevertheless, along with passion and friendship, compassionate caring for one’s partner may be another key ingredient in the very best experiences of love.
STYLES OF LOVING
Another scheme for distinguishing different types of love experiences was offered by sociologist John Alan Lee (1988), who used Greek and Latin words to describe six styles of love that differ in the intensity of the loving experience, commitment to the beloved, desired characteristics of the beloved, and expectations about being loved in return. (See Table 8.8.) One style is eros, from which the word erotic comes. Eros has a strong physical component, and erotic lovers are likely to be heavily influenced by physical appearance and to believe in love at first sight.
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