Topic: Week 3 – Discussion 1 Dear Ann .. Reply to my peers.
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Question
Details: Respond to at least two of your classmates by Day 5 to stimulate more meaningful and interactive discourse in the discussion forum. In addition, respond to classmates (and/or the instructor, if applicable) who replied to your initial post by Day 7. Your responses must demonstrate a sophisticated understanding or application of the concepts covered in Week 3.
At least two of your responses should be a minimum of 150 words each.
The following general suggestions may be useful as you craft your replies:
Ask clarifying or thought provoking questions.
Provide personal or professional examples that further illustrate relevant social psychological concepts identified in your classmate’s post.
Supply additional information that might influence your classmate’s interpretation. For example, recommend resources that further support their position or identify possible alternative explanations.
Relate the content in your classmate’s post to that of your own or another classmate’s initial contribution to this discussion.
Peer response to discussion 1:
Should I play hard to get?
*while this advice can be customized for gay, lesbian, and non-gender-binary couples, for our purposes here we are going to refer to hetero couples
For women the short answer to this question is yes. But let’s look at it. It’s not that you should play hard to get, you should be hard to get. Notice I didn’t say impossible to get. But you should have your own life and your own interests and your own goals. Wanting to find love and create a happy and content home life is an excellent goal, and should not be looked down upon by your peers. Having platonic friends, be they women, men, or both, is the basis for finding the love you want. Learning how to negotiate and maintain these relationships will help you build a solid foundation on which to build your own unique family identity. These friendships will help you form your own personality and help you define the characteristics you find attractive in the people you spend your time with.
You always have your eye out for the one you like. Men like women who like men. A woman who is interested in men and enjoys their company is appealing. It’s the basis for the reciprocity of attraction for a new couple (Birnbaum et al, 2020). But what if you hate sports and your crush loves them? You don’t have to love sports, but be interested in his interest in them. And then go off and do your own thing. Isn’t that the cornerstone of playing hard to get? And the reciprocal part is when he is interested in hearing about your art lecture that you attended while he was watching the game.
For men, the answer is yes, sort of. I won’t bury the lead. Women will find you attractive when they get to see you doing something that you’re passionate about. So go out and get that thing. Love writing? Do that? Love physics? Go and become a physicist. It doesn’t even have to be your career. Love pick upi basketball games in the park on the weekends? Do that. By finding your non-romantic passion you will create a person who is attractive to women. That is your version of hard to get.
And the advice for women goes double for you in that you must find, nurture, and maintain your non-romantic relationships. Find your crew. Be they friends or relations, when you surround yourself with other men with whom you share values and interests you will become the best version of yourself. And that best version of yourself is going to be attractive to the woman on whom you set your sights. She will like you because you like her, but also because you like your friends. And because you like you job or hobby or dream. You need not conquer the world before you find your mate, but you need to be en route.
References
Aronson, E. (2012). The social animal (11th Ed.). New York: Worth.
Birnbaum, G.; Zholtack, K.; Reis, H. (2020). No pain, no gain: Perceived partner mate value mediates the desire-inducing effect of being hard to get during online and face-to-face encounters. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
Jonason, P. & Li, Norman. (2012). Playing Hard-to-Get: Manipulating One’s Perceived Availability as a Mate. European Journal of Personality. 27. 10.1002/per.1881.
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