revising paper based on the feedback which I got
- was required to write a 1200 words paper choosing 4 techniques used by the website to persuade the audience.
“Your introduction should identify the stakeholder organization that addresses the selected topic you’ve been exploring, the stakeholder’s intended audience, desired purpose (e.g., to inform, persuade, entertain, take a specific action, or a combination of purposes), and goals (e.g., interests, mission, and/or message), the 4-6 elements and techniques you will include in your analysis, and your thesis: the one or two sentences that evaluate the stakeholder’s effectiveness in using the website elements and techniques to move its intended audience toward its desired purpose and goal.”
Here is the website that I did the analyses.
https://www.epa.gov/clean-air-
Here is the overall comments (from my instructor) on the paper score out of 6
ANALYSIS(3/6)
The analysis is thorough, but at times wonders away from the relevancy of the topic.
EVIDENCE(2/6)
The evidence of the website is way too vague. (Focus on the evidence.)
Organization(3/6)
The organization is clear and thorough, but missing evidence from the stakeholder.
FORMAT AND STYLE(6/6)
few styles issues.
ENDNOTE
Focus on specific, concrete details from the website to prove the points being made.
(also the topic sentences should follow the thesis statement order and then the evidencesshould support the topic sentences that ties to the thesis. And try to use more clear examples from the website)
The paper should be 1200-1400 words and add more evidence from the website and increase the analysis part as well. I also got 4 comment inside the paper that I need to fix them.
Solution Preview
Project 2.2: Air Pollution
The environment has been destroyed continuously and deteriorated by human activities. There are several aspects which contribute to environmental degradation. These include deforestation, forest fires, lumbering among others. Most forests across the world have been degraded since most people are not sensitive to the future. The ultimate result, according to the EPA’s website is that there is no sustainability thus creating substantial future risks. The site addresses different individuals in the society including the policymakers, the government as well as the general public as it focuses on creating awareness on the most reasonable interventions which can be useful in the status quo in the environment. The principal objective of the website is to inform the audience on the existing challenges, persuade and call them to action.
(1,421 words)